


Don't leave me lonely

by swallowthewhale



Series: Lemon Dreams [38]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 06:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowthewhale/pseuds/swallowthewhale
Summary: An injury in the field makes Caitlin realize that she could die while Killer Frost is in control.





	Don't leave me lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr request for "Caitlin has a near death experiences while being Frost, and when she wakes up as Caitlin, she starts to realize this and that she could die and she won't even die as herself"
> 
> Title from San Fermin

Caitlin’s eyes snap open and she inhales deeply, squinting against the bright, familiar lights of the med bay. Cisco is hovering over her, his face pale, and his hair clumsily tied back. She thinks she can see tear tracks on his cheeks.

“Oh my God,” he says, reaching for her. “Caitlin?”

Her mouth is too dry to speak and she turns her face away from the light.

“Hey, hey.” Cisco brushes her hair off her face. “Here.” He holds out a cup of water for her.

Caitlin sips obediently, looking out into the cortex. Barry is talking to Iris by the computers, his face worried and her’s furious. “What-” she clears her throat. “What happened?”

Cisco frowns. “You don’t remember?”

“Obviously not,” she says, not as snappy as she’d like to, but Cisco flinches anyway.

“We were going after the last bus meta,” he reminds her.

“I meant what happened to me?” Caitlin interrupts.

Cisco sits heavily in the chair next to the bed. “DeVoe was there already. He hit you with a sound wave that knocked you straight across the street.” He looks away. “Your hypermetabolism saved you from the worst of it, but you’ll probably be sore for a while.”

Calmly, Caitlin unhooks the IV, swings her feet off the bed, and stands.

Cisco jumps up, knocking the chair over. “Caitlin, where are you going?”

“I can’t be here right now,” Caitlin says, avoiding his gaze. If she sees that desperate, distraught look she knows is on his face, she’ll just let him wrap her up in his arms and never leave. But she feels like she’s suffocating, and she needs to get out.

Cisco holds his hands out, pleading, “Caitlin, just wait a minute-”

Barry straightens, and Caitlin glares at him. “Don’t even think about it.”

Barry sags back down and no one tries to stop her as she walks out of Star Labs.

Caitlin has talked to Cisco about it before, how dangerous this life is. The possibility of dying on any particular day. She updates her will every year and has set aside enough money to pay for funeral services. Caitlin even forced Cisco to sit down and discuss their end-of-life wishes back when Barry became the Flash. But it’s started to feel so normal that Caitlin had never even considered the possibility of dying as someone else.

Caitlin turns the corner into the quiet cemetery close to Star Labs. She walks the paths by rote, lost in thought, until she sinks down onto the grass in front of Ronnie’s headstone. After a while of plucking at the grass, she tips over until she’s curled on her side, cheek lying against the warm ground, soaking in the mid-summer sun.  _ I could have died today, _ she thinks over and over, until she’s run out of both tears and energy.

She must have fallen asleep, because the sun is much lower in the sky when she wakes, and Cisco is sitting against a tree nearby, still in his rumpled t-shirt and Vibe pants, looking more exhausted than Caitlin does.

“Cisco,” Caitlin says, pushing herself upright. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, not moving from his spot. “You’re allowed to want to be alone,” he says.

Caitlin rubs her eyes. “Yeah, but I shouldn’t have run off on you. I’m sorry.”

“I got worried when you didn’t answer your phone.”

Caitlin always answers. Even if it’s just to tell him to leave her alone. She pats her pockets and pulls out a shattered phone.

Cisco holds out his hands and she leans over to hand it to him. “Yeah,” he says. “That’s busted.” He puts it down and holds his hand out again.

Caitlin crawls over on her knees to lean against his shoulder. 

“What’s going on, Cait?” he asks quietly.

Caitlin sighs. “I guess it just hit me, today. That I could die as her. Killer Frost. I could die in the field and not even be myself.”

Cisco rubs his thumb against her palm. “I’ve thought of that,” he admits. “Before, and today when you got hurt.”

“You have?”

“I was worried I’d lose you and not be able to say goodbye.” Cisco is looking at Ronnie’s grave, his mouth a thin line and eyes too bright.

“When have you thought that before?” Caitlin asks, catching his fingers and squeezing.

“Last year,” Cisco sighs, leaning his head back against the tree. “When you got hit with shrapnel and died.”

Caitlin’s breath catches. “I’d rather be me when I die than her.”

“I’d rather you not die,” Cisco snaps, a little too harshly.

Caitlin turns and wraps her arms around his ribs and lets him squeeze her. “I’m not dead,” she reminds him.

Cisco chokes out a laugh into her shoulder. “Let’s keep it that way.”


End file.
